a MJ christmas

Wanna melt my cold, dead heart? Play me this (preferably the Peanuts version, but that bit in Royal Tenenbaums will suffice):

Without fail, that is my favorite Christmas song. Followed closely, and I mean closely, by this:

Because to me, Christmas means kick-ass songs, pretty wrapping paper, tons of pretty Holiday Christmas cards, dress-up clothes, curly hair, jewels, buzzes, catching-up, faux-family parties/drinking/eating, and Charlie Brown. Oh! and Mariah Carey.

Sigh. Today has been a great day, and it's not nearly over yet. The next wave is due over at any moment. Happy Christmas.

*cringe-worthy*

Finally! A blogpost devoted to that which has irked me since my toddler years! The m-word. The word that has rendered my body limp, my brain dead, and my self-control useless. The word that so-called friends have tortured me with for YEARS. M-O-I-S-T. Ick.

Carol Lloyd, Salon writer and Broadsheet blogger, writes:

Linguists: "Moist" makes women cringe

Moist. Does it get your panties in a twist? Inspire a cornucopia of unpleasant feelings? Give you goose pimples? Does my very line of questioning strike you as repugnant?

As someone who has long enjoyed torturing my brother by describing chocolate cakes as deliciously moist and fudgy (another one of his retch-inducing words), I never considered that lexical disgust might divide along gender lines. I'd always imagined that it was an individual idiosyncrasy -- the full manifestation of my brother's highly developed disgust response. But according to the word-spotters at Language Log, not only is there a widespread aversion to the word "moist" (and a host of other nontaboo words like panties, cornucopia and goose pimples), but word aversion seems to be more prevalent among women.

The Language Log has compiled an impressive archive of the various online discussions and mentions of the anti-moist phenomenon, many of which question why women would be more likely to be grossed out by the notion of moistness. There's even a Facebook club devoted to the idea. What does the aversion really mean?

No doubt Freud would have had a field day with the idea of people -- be they men or women -- deeply and unconsciously repelled by the word's association with female desire, fecundity and ripeness. Indeed, a lot of the words that gross people out seem to be ones that suggest women's bodies. Add the word "panties" to the mix and we're not talking about the unconscious so much as bad porn. But other words that are equally suggestive don't set off alarm bells. Why moist and not wet?

I am not alone! She poses an interesting argument, but I can only speak from personal experience when I say that my aversion is based solely on how the physical act of pronouncing the word makes me feel. I literally cannot bring myself to form that word, and the other words on my list of words to never use around Molly:
- towelette
- panties
- the other work for kitten that starts with a "p" (I refuse to put it on my blog)
- milk
- milky
- milked
(basically any derivation of the work "milk")

How do you feel about the M-word? What words set YOU off? Share in the comments section!

I love Dove

Watch this, please:

"Onslaught," it's called. It's great, and so moving I cried. Is that normal? I love Dove.

"Always, ALWAYS, get chili on your nachos bell grande"

(I hate that commercial)

Turns out, I hate a lot of things. Last night I realized that I keep saying that a lot. "I hate that commercial," "I hate stupid people," "I hate Pepsi," "I hate FOX," and "I hate Tim McCarver" are the first 5 things that come to mind, and that's really only the first hour. Terribly unattractive, no? I even brought me down. So I'm going to have to go ahead and try and fix that.

I was thinking about it today on a car drive home, and decided that I should come up with a list of at least ten things that I love... ten things that I love, but perhaps never realized or never vocalized. So, here you go:

1. I love October - the leaves, the weather, the treetops, the smell, and Halloween. I love it all.
2. I love iced tea - OL pointed it out to me last weekend, and I was a smidge confused, but it's true. I love it. Unsweetened, with lemon, without, Pom, Green, Oolong, Black. Whatevs. Bring. It. On.
3. I love the scenery of western Maryland - Turns out, it's a beautiful drive.
   
4. Okay, I may even love the scenery of that bit of Pennsylvania between western Maryland and Breezewood. Might.
5. I love Sheetz - and this is a love that cannot be properly conveyed. I don't love it more than Sonic, but their pretzel bread is fabulous. And their motto is "Live fast, eat well." Not exactly fast-food appropriate, but certainly words to live by. I approve.
6. I love living in DC - and nothing makes that more clear than when I'm driving back home after being away.
   
7. I love wedding dress shopping for other people - and that one is self-explanatory.
   
8. I love the Red Sox - not exactly an Earth-shattering revelation, but watching them these past few weeks with friends has really been fun.
   
9. I love J.D. Drew - even though he's not the one we thought looks like Teddy.
   
10. Finally, I love me some Americana - diners, filling (better known as "stuffing" or "dressing"), and (duh) baseball.
    

After performing this karmariffic duty, I felt my chi change and I sang all the way home - happy as a clam.

Now I'm waiting on the Sox to take it to the World Series. Sheesh.

Oh Come On!

Seriously?!

Danielle Peck, a country music singer who also happened to date Red Sox ace
pitcher Josh Beckett, will sing the national anthem and "God Bless America" at tonight's Game 5 in Cleveland. Beckett is scheduled to start the game for Boston.

"It's an incredible coincidence. Honestly," said Indians spokesman Bob DiBiasio.

Seriously.

"What's the Czech for "Do you love him"?"

Dooce wrote about loving the movie Once...


See? I told you Once was da bomb... remember (see Agosto '07 obsession)??? And when my favorite blogger ever references it, well... then I know I'm da bomb. That's just how it works in my special little world.

"I'm very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a terribly attractive woman."

Okay, so this is all I can muster up to voice my feelings on the Britney drama. I hope you'll realize that while this video downplays my devotion and strong feelings, I really am passionate about this.

UPDATE: CNN actually used this video in a segment about Britney being fat. COME ON!

"I'm not a girl, not yet a woman"

David Letterman, on Britney Spears' VMA performance: "General Petraeus thought it went quite well" ("Late Show").

(From Hotline's Wake Up Call 9/11/07)

Chica Tip #4

And now, a word from a loyal reader, on how to cope with a catastrophic disaster of a VMA performance:

(I think you’re going to have to give up the dream of her brilliant return.)

On your way home from work, buy a helium balloon, tape some ratty extensions to it and then release it into the air. It will be a symbolic, yet cathartic, gesture.

Thanks AG3 for the tip.

"It's me against the music"

Dear friends and readers,

I hear you. I read you. I know you're asking where my post is on Britney's "performance" last night at the VMAs. I know!

But my depression over aforementioned event took me to a deep, dark, lonely place... and until I emerge, I've got nothing to say.

So hang in there, and I'll do the same.