Chica Tip #8

The proper definition of "chucklehead" is NOT, as previously described by JS, " a little knucklehead." Which is really too bad.

chuck·le·head (chkl-hd)
n. Informal
A stupid, gauche person; a blockhead.

Chica Tip #7

Sometimes when MJ doesn't feel well (and a lot of times when she does), some things just don't necessarily come out the way she intends... like peanut butter out of an elephant's trunk, or something.

Don't take these incidences personally... unless it's one of those other times when she does mean it. Then you totally should.

Chica Tip #6

Contrary to popular belief, buying your own condoms ahead of time does not, in fact, prevent you from having copious amounts of sex that night.

Prevention First!

Just sayin'.

Chica Tip #5

When hanging out with certain windy-city friends, don't try and make them do something they don't want to do because...

"she doesn't tolerate dissent - its like being married to dick cheney!"

WORD.

Chica Tip #4

And now, a word from a loyal reader, on how to cope with a catastrophic disaster of a VMA performance:

(I think you’re going to have to give up the dream of her brilliant return.)

On your way home from work, buy a helium balloon, tape some ratty extensions to it and then release it into the air. It will be a symbolic, yet cathartic, gesture.

Thanks AG3 for the tip.

Chica Tip #3

When calling someone for a late-night booty call, don't pull a Molly Jackson® and fall asleep/pass out before he gets there...

(Text says, "You're Never too old for a "Booty Call." I concur.)

(Yes, it's totally trademarked now. Respect.)

Chica Tip #2

Don't ever make the mistake of offering me Diet Pepsi instead of Diet Coke or...

... yup. That's pretty much me. I might have said "idiot" instead of "whore," but you know... semantics.

Chica Tip #1

Here is the first of, what I hope will be, many "chica tips" - MJ style:

You probably weren't that into him if... ... after you break-up with your boyfriend, you say this:

"... and that was it. I mean, it was over. I went shopping at Wegmans afterwards. For MILK!"

Good decision, MS. You've got my support, 100%.