"Your candle burned out long before your legend ever did"

Naomi died, and my workplace cried. Here are some of the kind words offered in Naomi's memory:

• I remember how many, many times I ran into HS changing Naomi's water in the 7th floor kitchen. It's kind of funny Naomi never died those times.
• My Britta filter has been flashing red for weeks... I'm replacing it tonight! Should we report the cause of Naomi's death to the DC health officials???
• Would it be gauche if i planned to go out for sushi afterwards?
• Naomi, aka Mr. Fishy, aka Stare Decisis, aka Star was a fabulous bitch, erm, Fish. She could scare the crap out of me with one withering fish stare. I'll miss that.
• I extend my deepest sympathies to JM, HS, and MJ for taking care of that fish when I did not want it on my desk. She was fabulous, especially when she faked her own death last year.

We're having a memorial service today, where remarks will be read, songs will be sung, and blessings will be had - led by the newly ordained Rev. AK. Yes, she was ordained just for this. But she killed Naomi, so it's the least she can do.

The evite for the funeral (who sends evites to funerals?) reads:

Come celebrate the life, and untimely passing, of Naomi -- the best betta fish a communications department ever had.

Dress code is somber chic.

Donations can be made to the Naomi Memorial Scholarship Fund, which provides college educations for orphaned inner-city betta fish. Naomi Memorial Scholarship Fund: Putting an end to betta-on-betta violence, one fish at a time.

Finally, I submit a poem, written by KC, to honor our little fishy:

Naomi, you were one hellava fine fish
Even though MJ repeatedly called you a bitch

You were super sassy and sorta sweet
Just like any fish who merely wants a treat

And you were oh so blue
Just how we like our pols, which I'm sure you knew

AK's sorry she killed you
But, well, the bitches in communications are cold thru and thru

At least you were killed somewhat humanely
Instead of facing Legal's death-on-spoon, which turns out gravely

I asked that you be transferred to Government Relations
Where the worst you'd experience is bouts of depression and hypertension

No matter. We'll carry you in our hearts and minds
Knowing we'll never meet a fish so fine

So go to that great fish bowl in the sky
And we'll be sure to raise a glass to that fine fish gone by.

R.I.P. Naomi.